The Most Important Way to Train Children to Serve

When our children already have everything. At a time when our children are growing up in a me-culture. When it is more natural for our children to think of themselves rather than somebody else. We must be intentional about teaching our children to think of others before themselves, to grasp a bigger picture of their world and to serve for the greater good of the world, in which God created them for.

But where do we start? Although we may love for our children to experience how people live in a third-world country, that is not piratical for the majority of us.

However, active service is within our reach. Here are three ways to train our children to serve right where they are, from broad ways down to, what I believe is, the most important way to train our children to serve:

3. Serve Along Side Community

At least once or twice a year, we try to organize or participate in a service project with friends or church members.

We have served at a soup kitchen, myself and all four children with me. The youngest, at two, three or four, were able to put salt and pepper shakers on the tables, set cups out and other small tasks. The older, at five, six or seven, were able to help with the small tasks and serve food. At one point, I had a baby in her infant seat, one on my back and two helping me serve the dessert!

We have joined a couple of families in putting on a pancake breakfast to raise money to buy a pig for a family in Guatemala.

We have invited friends to make bracelets for orphans in Russia, through Craft Hope.

We have invited friends to paint sun catchers with us and then took the sun catchers to a local nursing home, to brighten an elderly person's window and day.

2. Serve Your Community

As a family, throughout the summer, we pick Thursdays to be our "Thoughtful" day or service day.

We have gone to a nearby park to enjoy a picnic and then pick up trash.

We've brought a plate of cookies to each of your surrounding neighbors.

It can be as simple as writing a letter to a child we sponsor!

These small deeds make a big impact, not just on the receiving end, but on the heart of our own children!

However, serving others does not have to be an organized event or happen on a specific day.

1. Start with Family

Serving starts with family, right in our home, and practiced everyday.

We see it when a child holds the door for those of us behind him. We see it when the youngest needs her blankie and one of her siblings jumps up to get it for her. We see it when one chooses to use some birthday money to surprise his siblings with ice cream at the park. We see it in thoughtful words.

Every now and then, we assign a sibling to each child and challenge them to serve that sibling in some way throughout the day. It's a fun way for them to practice intentional serving.

These are the kinds of thoughtful or "service" acts our children may already be doing! And these are the things we can encourage and tangibly train, if our children are not already doing them. 

So if you find yourself dumb-founded over ways to involve your children in serving others, look closer rather than so far out of reach.

Because we miss the point when we serve others outside the home, but remain self-serving within the home. It must start right here.

The service our children practice within their homes will manifest itself within our world. A child who holds the door for his siblings will hold the door for a stranger. A child who stops what he is doing to help his sister, will stop what he is doing to help someone in need. A child who spends birthday money to surprise his family with ice cream cones learns how it feels to be generous with his money. A child who puts thoughtful words to paper will bless many.

So, take heart sweet mamas. Training our children to serve is within our reach. We can seek a couple of larger service projects to involve our children in each year, but let's not overlook all the ways we can train our children to serve everyday. You're probably already doing them!

Make a list of all the ways your children already serve  within your home.

How can you build upon how they are already serving?

77 Ways Your Family Can Make a Difference, written by my friend and author, Penny A. Zeller, is a great, practical book on ways to incorporate serving with your family! I'd love for someone to win her book!

Simply leave a comment and I'll put you in the drawing to be randomly drawn June 19th, one week from today!

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How We Can Help

Our family has hosted an end-of-school-year, kick-off-the-summer service project for the past two years. We do our best to involve friends to make a bigger impact. We have been talking and praying about what we can do this year, as the end of the school year is right around the corner.

Yesterday afternoon, I joined hands with my nine-year-old son and prayed for God to place the burden on our hearts for where to serve.

Later that afternoon, I heard of the natural disaster in Oklahoma.

This morning, we sat in front of the television watching, through glossy lens, the devastation that hit this area. Yet hope abounds. In those moments, it was apparent to everyone of us in the room that we could be a part of their hope.

Our nearly seven-year-old daughter jumped up and ran off to her room to come back with a few items she wanted to donate to the children who lost everything.

That is the heart we all need.

And it seemed to be the need at hand and the burden placed on our hearts to serve.

So how can we help?

Relevant Magazine lists 5 ways to get involved, with money being the most practical, at this point.

How can we raise money?

The other day I received fifteen dollars from a man who has been paralyzed for twenty years. The paralysis only allows him the use of his right hand. The only company he tolerates is tobacco. He told me, " I have stopped smoking for a week. I'm sending you the money I've saved from not buying cigarettes." It must have been a horrible sacrifice for him. I bought bread with his money, and I gave it to those who were hungry. So both the giver and those who received experienced joy. ~Mother Teresa, No Greater Love

What are we willing to sacrifice in order to set a few dollars-a-day aside for the families in Moore, Oklahoma, who have lost everything?

How can we be a part of their hope?

Our family is still in deliberation over how we will engage our friends and community in raising money for Oklahoma. In the mean time, there are several ways to donate.

Ways to donate:

Donate to Samaritan's Purse.
Donate to the Red Cross.
Donate to the Salvation Army.

Want to start a campaign? Find out how here and here.
For more ways to help, go here.

'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

photo source 

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Fifteen {Vital} Ways a Mother is

A mother is:

1. a mother to more than her own biological children.

2. a good listener, no matter what the hour.

3. a cheerleader.

4. a facilitator.

5. a guide.

6. a cultivator of hearts and home.

7. always seeking the highest good of her family.

8. always seeking and administrating grace, truth and love.

9. willing to say, "I'm sorry."

10. on the front lines of the battle for her children's hearts and      minds. 

11. a defender of the weak.

12. daily brought to her knees.

13. willing to surrender her children to God alone.

14. willing to die to self so that her children may live.

15. Courageous.

Are we women not all mothers, bearing the responsibility, though we may not all bear children? Thank you, dear mothers, for your vital sacrifice of love and impact on the next generation and for eternity.

Happy Mother's Day!

sharing with The Sunday Community, Fresh Brewed Sundays, Finding Heaven, and the Better Mom

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When Your Not Expecting to be Expecting...Three Years Later

Madeline, you have brought our family immeasurable joy these past three years. God blew away our imaginations and expanded our hearts with His own when He brought you into our lives. Thank you for the gift you are to me, your dad, and to each of your siblings. We love you!

***

{Three-and-a-half Years Ago...}

I'm usually quite diplomatic when anyone asks if we are having more children. I make a point to say, "We're just taking it one child at a time." This is true. However, we've always said among ourselves two, maybe three and NEVER foresaw four. Needless to say, we were utterly shocked when we found out we were having another baby just weeks ago.

Fear set in.

Can we responsibly parent another child? (YES) Can we afford another child? (Yes) Our lives, ideas, and expectations for our family will forever be changed. (Thank you, God!) Our lifestyle will change. (Yes. It has improved!) With each child, the opportunities we can offer our children decrease. (Not true…rather, with each child, there has been more opportunity for love and the sacrifice that builds true character.) We'll need a new car and eventually, house! (Okay…done) Will my body ever recover? You'll learn that your body was never meant to be immortal and that you'd give your life for this child anyway, so will my body recover? Who cares! Really.

Fear...all the thoughts that would keep any rational person from stepping beyond their conceived capacity for embracing the concept of welcoming another life.

I sat in church the day after I shared the news with my husband, both of us still in utter shock, and felt the familiar sensation I had with each of my other three children in early pregnancy. I felt hot from a building full of bodies. I felt light-headed and queasy after a few times of up and down in the pew. That familiar sensation, in no other place than church, gave me an overwhelming peace and excitement that there was a little life within me…a life that knew nothing of our circumstances and was ready to be welcomed and loved just like our other three blessings.

After about twenty-four hours, the shock wore off and excitement set in for both of us. In our heart of hearts, we knew that no lifestyle or privileged circumstance was more important than new life. In a nutshell, we would move heaven and earth, all of our comforts, our lifestyle, our ideas and expectations to welcome and love this child into our family.

God is so good! I have no doubt that what we don't even know yet is how much this child will bless our lives; our finances, our lifestyle, our spirits, our faith...our family.

We are more and more excited and tickled silly about baby number four every day!

Thank you, Father, that your plan, once again, trumps our own. Thank you that you, who has begun a good work in our life, will carry it on to completion (Jer 29:11). Thank you that your plans for us far out-weigh the plans we create for ourselves, for your plans are to prosper us, to give us hope and a future (Phil 1:6). Thank you that your will for our life is good, pleasing and perfect (Rom 12:3). Above all, thank you that your eyes saw this precious child's unformed body before conception and that all the days ordained for this child have already been written in your book even before one of them will come to be (Psalm 139:16). We praise you because this child growing within was fearfully and wonderfully made. We know full well your works are wonderful (Psalm 139:15).

In your almighty and blessed name, Amen.

Edited from the archives with questions and fears answered in blue.

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How We Train Our Boys to Be Men at Four

"Don't follow me," is the phrase my four-year-old boy is uttering toward his nearly three-year-old sister, over the past few days.

We don't always know why our children determine to be unkind or even cruel to one another. Who knows where they pick up such thoughts and actions and then mimic them. Or more essential the question, what is at the heart of the behavior?

How do boys grow into young men who take advantage of and violate a young woman?

As parents, what we know is that we are all selfish by nature and the training of a child is constant in re-framing that mindset and molding their heart toward kindness, consideration and compassion.

Out of mere helplessness or frustration, we might send our child to a "time-out" for speaking unkind. And although it might stop the behavior, it doesn't get to the heart of our goal for our child to display kindness, consideration and compassion for others. These traits come from the overflow of the heart. And so it takes thought, prayer, investment or plain ole' creativity to get to the heart of a child.

This morning, I give my boy a little pep-talk on being kind to his sister and he seems to understand. However, as the morning settles into routine, he starts in on telling his sister not to follow him or play with him again. 

So I walk over to him and remind him, " Remember our talk this morning?" 

A little grimace and a humph. I continue.

"I need you to treat your sister like she is a gift from God to our family because, do you know what? When you let her follow you, sit with you and play with you, you practice what it takes to be a good man, a good husband and a good daddy when you grow up."

His little head makes the slightest tilt, like his inner-hearing instantly perks up. 

And then they play.

And they play all day without any further correction.

I can't tell you exactly why, but I have a hunch that in spite of our selfishness, there is this innate longing to be all that we were created to be. This is the heart of the child that we have the responsibility and privilege to invest in, till and water, as parents.

It's a lot of these little moments that show our boys what we expect of them and what we believe for them. It may not be the same words or circumstances for every child. There is no formula.

It's just finding ways to give them a vision for their future.

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To Be Brave...and Fifty Shades of Grey

We need to be brave. 

I need to be brave and write about the things that matter. I'm blogging today because I realize for me not to, at this point, would be slothfulness. I read a post like this, and feel the blood pumping through my veins because I get it. I agree. I'm with Emily Wierenga on this. And  I realize, once again, that writing matters. This is not the content you just write in your journal for no one to see because whether people agree or not, a God-fearing voice in a godless culture matters. In our diluted and distorted reality, Emily's voice matters, your voice matters, my voice matters - and all of the voices spurring each other on in Christ matter.

But it takes being brave.

When the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, became popular everything in me told me it was counterfeit and essentially destructive, not just to our distorted sexual culture, but to our marriages over the long run. And I wanted to write about it and wondered who else was.

Yet, there's that part where we don't want to offend or judge. 

I know countless people who have read this book and I don't condemn them.  But the counterfeit that sweeps so many away into a non-reality and a distorted view of love, sexuality, and ultimately a distortion of Christ Himself is unsettling.

I have chosen not to read Fifty Shades of Grey with the conscience that I believe our marriages and sexuality are meant to point us to Christ and to bring us into a deeper recognition of intimacy with him. Therefore,  there must be something more than the lure of this book.

I want to share with you the journey a small, brave decision has taken a friend of mine and me on over the past six months, and a book I recommend as an alternative.

I have one dear friend, who got swept away by the hoop-la of the trilogy. I knew where she was coming from and I understood how the lure of the book would make her feel that this could be the answer to revive her marriage, yet had the potential to subtly lead her astray. We have such a relationship that I prayerfully and lovingly went to her, knowing her heart for Christ and for her marriage. She fully received my concern, our friendship deepened and within a few months we were reading together, A Good Girls Guide to Great Sex, by Sheila Wray Gregoire - a book which describes God's grand design for our sexuality. It is not only meant to be expressed on a physical level, but a spiritual and emotional level, in order to experience the fullness of an exciting, passionate, luring and intimate sex life within the context of marriage.

Sheila nails many great points, answers countless questions, and her content ignites a passion for a hot and holy marriage!

Sheila speaks to a broad audience of married and unmarried women, so every chapter may not speak to everyone. But with prayer over our marriage and desire for a radical love and deeper intimacy with our spouse, even a few chapters could very well be life changing.

My friend and I both witnessed the intimacy and anticipation in our marriages deepen while reading this book. We both caught a glimpse of how God intended marriage to be an indestructible, exciting adventure that is a power source for him.

We women don't need outside sources to raise our libidos or to revolutionize our sex lives, like some of the claims for Fifty Shades of Grey were making. We actually need to guard our hearts and minds against such things. In her book, Sheila Wray Gregorie addresses the repercussions of this being that it actually hinders intimacy with our spouse, as we begin to depend on those outside images to raise our libido rather than the relationship.

I've found that it just takes thinking about my spouse, praying about our intimacy, reading about sex in a God-honoring way - essentially finding ways to engage my mind and prepare my mind for my husband rather than disengaging. My heart is typically already there. But as Sheila Wray Gregorie writes, sex for women is in the head.

We live in a, "me" world - a fallen one. But in that, there is a perfect design worth seeking out and waiting for. Sheila Wray Gregorie points out that God intentionally created men and women's needs differently. The need for sex leads to intimacy for men and and the need for intimacy leads to sex for women. This is why making sex and intimacy about one self doesn't work:

For women to get our deepest needs for relationship met, we need to focus on our spouses' needs for sex. For men to get their deepest needs for sex met, they need to focus on our need for relationship. It's a give and take. Women learn to think of men, and men learn to think of us.  ~ Sheila Wray Gegorie

And that's when it works. It doesn't work so well in a "me" culture, but God's way always looks beyond our own self to another. Mysteriously, when we start thinking about the needs of our spouse first and it becomes this give and take, this is what begins to revolutionize sex and intimacy within our marriages.

I  don't write this as an expert. I write it as someone who has gotten a small taste of that something more and I say it as someone who realizes that it takes work. There is no easy one-time-fix. It's a life-long process of exploration and discovery. And isn't that the point? A husband and wife, built completely differently, with a lifetime to explore the never-ending mysteries, all the while enjoying the adventure and discovering the beautiful dance of the groom and his bride, Christ and his church.

This dance will surely give us a closer glimpse of heaven - the real thing - what we're all longing for. For everything we seek, to fill that longing, it will always be God who can ultimately fulfill it. Anything else will be the counterfeit, slowly and subtly leading us astray.

If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us. We are like ignorant children who want to continue making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. ~ C.S. Lewis

It takes being brave to admit we've settled for the slum. 

It takes being brave to imagine something more. 

*You can find Sheila Wray Gregorie at her blog, To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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On Why I'm Not Blogging

I write because I have a message. I write because I have a passion for spreading that message. I don’t write because I’m the most clever, witty, or skilled writer out there. I simply write because I’m compelled to when I see the profound disguised by the ordinary and find simplicity in the most profound, life-changing story ever told.

For the past few months, I've wondered why I write. I don’t know if I couldn’t see the profound or if the profound was just becoming too ordinary. I needed God to produce a famine in me in order to produce a hunger again.

The famine is finally passing and I am writing almost every day again. Yet, I’m not yet willing to blog.

You see, profound became ordinary because I think I began to focus too much on the ordinary things, like the mechanics of a blog and the pull toward the blog and the self-satisfaction of the blog. Without realizing it, I put my stakes in the ordinary – self-serving aspects of the blog – and lost sight of the reason I started writing in the first place.

So after a very busy couple of months and January 1^st rolled around, the fore-told end of my blog break, I knew I wasn't ready. Now that I’m writing and ideas are flowing again, I’m still not ready. Because this time away from the blog has built up strength in discipline, focus, and faith – discipline in attending to my priorities, focus in a greater vision and faith that God has me exactly where He wants me.

This blog break has honestly meant putting more energy into my family - my children during the day and my husband in the evenings.

I don’t know about you, but it had been difficult for me to set aside a specific time for writing and then stick to it. I believe it can be done when disciplined and obedient to a call. But for me, as a mother, it has had the ability to become too all-consuming and creep into my days, invade my thoughts and steal time away from my relationships and real life.

I’m an artist. I write when I feel inspired. Yet, I’m a mother first and fore-most, creating art with real lives and dare I not confuse the two.

It can be all-consuming in the way of always thinking on the next idea, writing it out, joining community, and supporting community by commenting on other blogs. It all takes time.  And yes, it feels worth it if the message resonates with just one and yes, it helps in building a platform toward a greater goal. Yet, if I’m to be entrusted with a greater goal, I have to know how to handle the small stuff.

And then there is that instant gratification of publishing a post that will receive almost immediate feedback. And there’s no harm in that either – unless you’re settling for the instant gratification over blood, sweat and tears, humility, and a greater purpose and reward.

I don’t know that there is a formula for us writers. I just know that if I’m drawn to writing as an idol in my life, I've missed the boat and it will come at too great a cost.

This is why I’m not blogging.

But, I’ll be back.

I am writing in a committed time-slot daily now.  I've got my journal for quick notes of inspiration throughout the day and I do hope that will translate to the blog once again soon, or some other format that may engage an audience. But when it does, I want it to be out of pure obedience, ordered by the One who knows me better than I know myself, who knows what I need and what this world needs more than I do, the profound Creator of the Universe, who loves me enough to order the details of my life.

I do believe it is possible to be an artist and create in an orderly fashion, honoring God and family. I am choosing to seek that direction, focused and purposefully.

How about you? Do struggle with being disciplined in writing or a certain hobby?

What tips have you acquired that have been helpful in juggling life with your writing ministry, hopes and dreams?

I'd love to know your thoughts on what works for you.

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